Akedah

How can I talk to you
I step into your glory
I step into the house
House of David's light

How can I talk to you
It's the same story
Ashrey yoshvey beyseho
Teach me to love, teach me to love

Avraham, Avraham,
Take your son, take your blade, take your rope
Three long nights, three long days
And approach to the mountain of the Lord
Yes you've been here times before
In your dreams, fantasies, realities, they all bleed

Ayeka
Teach me to love
Ayeka

Avraham, Avraham,
Take your son, take your blade, take your rope
Three long nights, three long days
And approach to the mountain of the Lord
Yes you've been here times before
In your dreams, your fantasies, realities, yea they all bleed

Teach me to love
Ayeka

Akeda-Matisyahu 2014

Ayeka...Akeda...Akedah... The Binding of Issac.

The Unbinding of Issac.

I suppose this is still part of wrestling for that blessing.  

If the God I was taught of as a young adult is the real God, why the fuck do I have testicular cancer?  All loving?  Redemptive, if memory serves me, if you recite the right words, perform the right rites, and believe the right things.

I thought I had dedicated myself to that kind of love.  That sacrificial love.  For God's sake, I'm a Social Worker.  I made that decision a long time ago.  I committed myself to an ideal that was higher than myself (the punitive sacrifice of Jesus) and the what I believed to be the ideal calling, Social Work.  The caring profession.  

And yet here I sit.  My body deciding it wants to kill me.  Dedicating myself to a cause greater than myself.  Committing to a fight that no person should ever have to fight.  Keeping my cool each day while I face the brokenness of the human condition. 



I guess I'm rambling.  But I'm struggling.  I was taught to do certain things.  I did those certain things.  None of this was what was promised.  None of this is what should have happened.  

My dreams...my fantasies...my realities.  They are all starting to bleed.  The pieces that are starting to submerge are hard to put together.  I'm walking down from the mountain in which I was asked to give everything up.  I'm looking at how to learn how to love.  I'm trying to figure out what matters.  What is worth saving, what is ok to throw overboard.     

The Monomyth.

There are 17 stages in the Monomyth  .  I think I've passed through the Belly of the Whale.  But, I stand somewhere on the Road of Trials.