Alea iacta est

"Alea iacta est"

"The die is cast"

It is very possible that Julius Caesar uttered those words as he marched his army across the Rubicon River in Northern Italy after he returned from his military campaign in Gaul.  What a decision that must have been!  Caesar, a man devoted to Rome, had to chose weather or not to lay down his arms and surrender command of his army or to march on his own home.  It seems fitting though that a gambling metaphor is used, "the die is cast".  Up until that point Caesar had unrivaled control over his own destiny, he alone was responsible for extending the Roman Republic's domain up through modern day France to the English channel, being one of the first Romans to cross the channel by building a bridge across it, and leading the first Roman invasion of the British Isles.  But crossing the Rubicon without surrendering his army was where he let go of his destiny.  There was no guarantee that he could overcome the forces of Pompey and the Optimates.  But he did, and ushered in the beginnings of the Roman Empire.

"The die is cast" 

I missed a phone call from my oncologist this evening.  A phone call I've been waiting for for the past two days.  A phone call that will finally let me know what I'm doing next, do I start chemotherapy next Monday as scheduled?  Or, do I have to delay chemo further by undergoing surgery to remove affected lymph nodes?  While I suppose the final decision is mine, if the lymph nodes need removed they need removed, I'm not going to mess around with that.  This die has been cast, bounced, rolled, and landed, and I can't see what's on its face.

I'm not toppling a Republic, I'm not establishing an Empire.  I'm trying to live my life.  And the answer is right there, just out of grasp for a few more hours!  And there's nothing I can do, but wait.  The story of my life for the last two weeks.

It's like being kicked when you're already down.  But, if the Latin reference at the onset wasn't a big enough clue, the classic works have given me (or reinforced for me) hope.  Seneca the Younger wrote, "non est ad astra mollis e terris via" translated, "there is no easy way from the earth to the stars" .